Where’s Your Team Spirit?

I recently watched a delightful video over on UK Muppets and I have some thoughts about it.  The video is here:    https://ukmuppets.co.uk/index.php/2017/09/mark-vaughn-cookielipschitz-bloody-indians/
It seems that America’s least likeable retired teacher is unhappy about bagface wearing this during his cast:

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First of all, we should all rejoice that bagface is wearing a new shirt.  He has a torn Cheetos shirt, and a torn Dr. Pepper shirt.  He has a long sleeved striped shirt from Banana Republic, circa 1999.  I, for one, applaud bagface’s new apparel.  

But back to America’s most angry retired teacher.  As far as I can tell, this is how it went:

  1. T-shirt with Cookie’s image is seen on bagface, on Vaughnlive.
  2. Cookie contacts the Vaughns, demanding something.
  3. Vaughns do not do enough to satisfy America’s most dissatisfied retired teacher.
  4. Cookie complains to Vaughns again.
  5. Vaughns tell Cookie to piss off.
  6. Cookie mad.

 

Ok, now that I read it, that’s not all that interesting.  I miss the way things were, when Cookie’s kookiness was at least entertaining.

Remember when she tried to buy my personal information?  

Or when she stalked Glen on the street during his SNL cast?  

Or when Cookie was defended her bitchboy Tripcode’s drunken threats of violence?  

Remember when Cookie told us how she was asked to leave her family’s Thanksgiving dinner because she insulted their cooking?

I feel like she’s not even trying anymore.    

And what happened with Cookie and Tripcode?  She finally found someone with no friends and nothing to do but edit her videos and hang out in her show typing “lmao” for hours on end, and she let him get away.

I’m disappointed.  I was away on my trip to the Amazonian jungle for months, and I come back to this snoozefest?  Step it up, freaks!

Here’s hoping she steps up her game. We’re all rooting for you!

How to be a sharp dressed man

I thought it was about time to advise to the men of the world on how to look more like a presentable, handsome man, basically more like Bagface. In this short article I’m going to make your zero a hero! You too will be irresistible to women (and probably men too although they just don’t want to admit it).

STEP 1

Have a buff bod; see images of Bagface to get an idea or even better come to his TV show so you can see his prowess in action. Now if you don’t have a buff body already there are some products available to tone you up instantly (see below)! This works especially well with more myopic women.

STEP 2 

Wardrobe; what’s the point of having a super hot bod if you’re not showing it off?! Please remember older stretched out clothes work best to really define the male physique and be patient; realize your are creating a work of art (hint: the odd butter stain does adds a touch of mystery). See images below for proper apparel.

STEP 3 

Diet; you can’t expect to be uber hot without good grub in the tank! See images to see the foods you are allowed to enjoy as you morph into an adonis. (I’m so excited for your journey and transformation! You will be saying MMMMMMmmMMMMM with elation and glee in no time!).

Step 4

Accessorize, Ascessorize, Ascessorize! See below for proper items to enhance your magnetism. You’ll be irresistible!

Remember be patient it takes a long time to be a sex symbol. Follow this guide and you will be! I know you can do this!

BILL PLOW IS A PIECE OF SHIT

https://sexybagface.wordpress.com/2016/07/15/response-to-kripplekrayons-aka-bill-plow-keith-carney/comment-page-1/#comment-1485

FUCKIN BILL PLOW IS A RACIST AND BEAT HIS FAMILY. HE SUCKS EPRIMES POOP OUT OF HIS ASS.

BILL PLOW HAS A WRINKLED NECK LIKE A TURKEY. HES A BROKE FAG NO ONE LIKES HIM. EVERYONE LIKEs BAGFACE.

HOMEMADE TATTOOS MEANS BILL PLOW IS A LOSER AND BROKE.

LOSERS HOUSE COLLAPSED. HE DOESN’T EVEN OWN A HARMONICA.

Retirement: Be Prepared

As my twentieth birthday approaches, I’ve been putting a lot of deep thought into my plans for retirement. What should I do? What shouldn’t I do? I mean I’m super sexy, and a financial genius, but is that really enough to be able to enjoy retirement? The answer is yes. However there are some clear cut choices throughout life that will help solidify a very happy retirement.

Co-Credit to Hippychk5000 – she did a little bit.

Good Choices:

·         Don’t sit home and fall into a social vacuum that exists only of online acquaintances. Yes, sadly this does happen no matter how hard to believe. Go out and socialize with real people. Argue, laugh, drink and eat with real humans (as opposed to cyber friends and enemies).

·         Don’t pick fights when you NEVER win any of them. This is a recipe for depression. Keep a sense of humor and try to fit in with those that you spend a considerable amount of time with (if not 100% of your time).  Also, don’t shout over people who you disagree with. It makes you look even crazier.

·         When you choose your education select a path that the highly intelligent choose such as economics or law. If in the end it proves to be too complicated for you can always fall back as a teacher. While mundane it’s still a living and you only need a fifth grade education.

·         For the love of God or Buddah, please travel!!! Don’t just take a trip with a group of old fogies your first year of retirement and then settle into your computer chair the next 20 years (give or take). Explore, mingle with locals but please just do it!!!! I recommend Mexico if you are unable to decide on a destination. That’s where cool people vacation.

·         Eat healthy by cooking your own healthy meals. Exercise! Monitor and retain a good BMI, blood pressure, blood sugar levels and cholesterol. Feel good physically. This will boost your self-confidence. Going from computer chair to Wong Dongs fast food Chinese restaurant and back to computer chair is not productive or healthy. If you need cooking tips to get started I recommend the wonderful Bunnbunzzz. Don’t end up looking like Elton John.

Bad Choices:

·         Pills – ugh! Stay off them and get healthy naturally. Drugs are drugs, legal or not. They don’t help you they only mask the situation you put yourself in.  But if you must pop pills, take them after you do your makeup.

·         Don’t choose a best friend that is negative. This person will morph you into what they are. For example: if said person doesn’t work and spends their time 24/7 on the internet spewing negative gibberish then you will eventually be just like them. Even when they are disabled they should still be able to work and function in society. They will never have anything in life and will only drag you down, which is not healthy during retirement! Toss them and move on.

·         Calling people names constantly is a bad trait. “Moron” and “imbecile” should only be used once a week as opposed to hourly. I’m not really sure why this popped into my head but it is a bad choice to do it.

This is the first in a series of self-help articles. There are many more to come. Does this seem like it was written about you? If it does you’re self-centered and conceited. This is meant for the entire world population regardless of religion or ethnicity.

Note about the author. Sexybagface is a beautiful intelligent person. His writings are perfect and flawless. He’s simply just the best!

Problems with this blog

I think I figured out why bagface’s blog sucks so very badly.  It’s the brown color scheme.  There’s nothing enticing or inviting about it.  It has no personality or style. It’s just a brown wasteland of meh and blech.

Anyway, here’s a the latest vicious blackboard instigated by vile humans with twisted agendas:

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Glensroom Internet Big Brother Poll

Ok get your hankies out its time to make a very sad announcement. The following have be voted out/evicted.
Its Nick
Sarah62
Mushroon
ATP (Sponheim)
Hipperz
Foxmanshawn
Kult Leader

On a side not I would just like to say I fought like heck to keep Jojo the best person in the house and the prettiest, but the landlord (Glensroom) insisted she had to go. I’m not happy about it but what can i do?


So….the last four are left. Vote for three that you want booted 
and the last one standing will get the grand prize! And of course…….there will be winners!

Here Are the Round 1 Results:

ExplosiveKrayon/Bill Plow/Wheelchair Keith’s Day

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Hello, everyone. This is my list I’ve prepared about a very sad disgusting “man” from Vandergrift, Pennsylvania who lives in a dirty ass cracked trailer. Some of you may know him as Bill Plow, Keith Carney, ExplosiveKrayon, KrippledKrayon (as Lawrville’s fans used to call this piece of shit) or Johnny Cortezio. Take a gander at one of this pathetic piece of trash’s days on earth. YippieKi-Yay you gimpy worthless bastard. Also, let’s get one thing straight you stupid fuck. Glen has nothing to do with me attacking you so i’m not hoping to be put on a pedestal. I’m attacking you because I was attacked by you first so stop trying to throw the phrase bully around when you attack people and they retaliate.You just make yourself look like a fucking idiot. Just wanted to get that straight to your meth filled brain. Now, before we get started i’d like to share a pic of this welfare fuck.

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Look at this LOSER playing horrible music on his guitar. I wonder how many people you made deaf that day playing it and how much money you begged for. Get your dirty lazy ass up and clean your room. It looks filthy, ya fucking slob. Also, you really do not look well in this picture, you look like a crazy man who talks to himself daily and has no one. Just like you do under guest in Bag’s room while trying so hard to troll (which you are absolutely terrible at by the way) and pretend like others are doing it. Seek psychiatric help, “brotherrrrrrr”.

HulkamaniaBrotherrr

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I need a noose? Ok, Keith, i’ll get hanged once you get a life and stop being a terrible waste of jizz. This pic also proves you’re a total hypocrite once again. I was making a joke about Bag’s smelly ass fuck buddy in Mexico and you decide to butt in and add your worthless two cents. You say never disrespect women online but then you turn around and insult Hippychk under like 12 guest tabs and we all know it’s you because you say the same exact garbage. I have never met such a 40+ year old loser like you, Keith. You’re seriously one of the worse people I can think of. God, it must be so cool living in a trailer park, being a deadbeat dad piece of shit and being a terrible drummer in a band. You’re a total rockstar! Excuse me, I mean trash! Someone throw this garbage away. He’ll be easy to pick up seeing as how he can barely move. Fuckin cunt.

Now, let’s get on to his shitty day with this list:

  1. Keith wakes up, tries to hop off of his cigarette burned dirty bed bug ridden mattress that he found on the side of the road but realizes his wheelchair isn’t around
  2. He tries to crawl to it but he falls on the floor
  3. He finally gets up and crawls his way up to his wheelchair
  4. Goes into the bathroom and tries to look into the mirror but realizes it’s set too high for him because he’s on his wheelchair
  5. Rolls into his kitchen to make some cereal
  6. Realizes there’s no cereal and milk due to him wasting his welfare check on meth the first day he got it
  7. Picks skin due to meth usage
  8. He books a gig with his special band full of retards who all play terrible music and their band name is “Welfare Junkies”
  9. Keith rolls to his drum set in his small trailer living room but forgets that it’s there and he runs into it with his wheelchair and knocks it over
  10. He rolls into the bathroom again to try to look in the mirror and realize what a filthy piece of shit he is
  11. He tries to headbutt the mirror but hits his head on the sink due being in his wheelchair and realizing his life is miserable
  12. He looks at pics of his slut Walmart wife and begins to cry because she doesn’t like him, his kids don’t like him and his mom and sister don’t like him
  13. After crying, he daydreams about himself winning in the special Olympics because he’s in a wheelchair
  14. He wakes up and goes to his gig at a KKK meeting but gets thrown out due the horrible music being played and then gets rolled down the hill by the KKK members
  15. He reaches in his pocket and grabs his 2005 prepaid phone and looks through his contacts but realizes he has nobody to call
  16. He calls 911 but swallows the lasts of his meth due to a fear of being arrested and ass fucked in jail (but then again he’d probably like it)
  17. He goes home and logs onto Vaughnlive as a guest like a pussy boy from 12 pm to 8 am and tries to insult people with really boring & terrible jokes. He also tries to tell people they’re on all day when in all actuality he is the one on all day stalking people.
  18. In the midst of it all, he checks iVlog for Glen’s show and sees him on but goes on a meth filled rage and writes an essay on his shitty blog repeating the same thing over and over in each one. He also takes about 80 screenshots of certain chatters and what they type
  19. Rages when Glen and his viewers say “Bill Plow you piece of shit.” and cuts himself multiple times before rolling into a beaten down old dresser and causing injury to his legs but he doesn’t feel it
  20. Writes another stupid blog full of stupid shit that he thinks he knows about but he really knows nothing 
  21. Wheels himself close to his mattress to get out of his wheelchair but accidentally parks on top of it
  22. Reverses his wheelchair with beeping and lights on the back like a truck
  23. Takes a few hits of meth and stays awake for days due to high and stares at wall for the next 7 days

I hope you all enjoyed this! There is more to come. The saga of this waste of sperm is not over. Also, Keith, i’m waiting for you to come and kick my ass like you’ve threatened to in the past, Mr. “Internet Tough Guy” which is what you have the nerve to call someone but you’re the one threatening to kill people on the internet and beat them up. But you won’t do it, and that makes you a filthy hypocrite pussy for even thinking about using the phrase and doing what pertains to it, Welfare Keith. One more thing that you should get straight is that I don’t care about your racist comments. Unlike some people, I don’t get offended by shit like that on the internet. If I did, why would I be in Bag’s show? So if you want to be racist to me, at least be funny and don’t use the same stale jokes everytime, Mr. Carney or should I say “Bill Plow the piece of shit?” Anyway, that’s it for now… this chicken watermelon eating nigger is signing off! Bye bye now! P.S. I’m not half white you retard lol there’s yet another stupid accusation you’ve gotten wrong about me. You should slap yourself so hard that the force of your slap pushes you back so far back into the arms of that toothless slut Rheannon. Toodles, fuckboy!

P.P.S Fuck you, Keith Carney.

Vaughnlive Profile: Hippychk

In part one of an ongoing series; I’ll profile some of the chatters and casters of Vaughnlive. Remember, these stories are 100% true.

First, we explore the life of enigmatic internet terrorist HippyChk.

HippyChk, whose real name is Lucille Chavez, was born in the industrial city of Saltillo, Mexico. While most kids learned practical skills, such as basket weaving and cocaine smuggling, HippyChk would sit in her room for hours reading Sweet Valley High novels. Because she had very few friends, the adventures of Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield intrigued her. These stories would eventually consume her life and manifest itself into a mental illness. To this day, she still carried the burden of being unable to decipher reality from fiction. And she still believes Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield are actual people.

In school, she was bullied mercilessly. Because of her Hispanic/Yugoslavian heritage, as well as an overactive thyroid issue, she developed a weight problem. The kids called her “Le Nigress” (A direct reference to the wildly popular American sitcom “Gimmie a break”, starring no nonsense African American housekeeper Neil Harper). This abuse carried on day in and day out until finally Lucille broke. She could not remain in this place. Without her parent’s permission, she packed up all her pesos, stole a donkey and made her way North. Her destination? Sweet Valley High.

After riding for days in the sweltering Mexican heat, she reached the Texas border. As she dismounted her donkey, she noticed two things. One, her legs were permanently bowed from straddling the massive, muscular burro’s back. And two, the guys at the border wearing badges and brandishing AK-47s.

It’s too late to turn back. She sprinted toward the border, slid under the candy stripped barrier – leaving a rooster tail of Mexican sand craning into the air and dug her heels in the freedom rich soil of America.  She made it. But, only half her journey was complete.

With no money, no family and no pot to piss in, she realized she needed a job. Because of her argumentative, overbearing, smart alecky nature, only one profession would suit her personality. She decided to become a lawyer.

She found a fellow Mexican selling lobsters out the back of his El Camino. With nothing to offer but her body, they made an “arrangement”. Details of this arrangement are murky so I won’t speculate. After all, this is a serious biography and I will NOT let my reputation be sullied by posting hearsay. But, she made it to Harvard, from Texas.

Lucille was a stellar student. And, despite her weight problem, was very popular amongst the students and staff. One particular staff member was enamored by her charm, wit and intelligence. This staff member was her student advisor – Barack Obama.

One day, while helping him file papers, their student/teacher relationship took a turn.  Barack eyes briefly caught a glimpse of her heaving bosom. Her butter pecan complexion shone bright under his office lights. Her wide hips made his Kenyan blood boil with lust. He wanted to butter her bread.

But Barack was a man of integrity. So rather than let his animalistic desires ravage her thick, immigrant body – he quit his job. Yes, HippyChk is responsible for Barack Obama leaving Harvard to become a politician. And yes, this story is true.

To confirm this story I was going to post her transcripts from Harvard. Unfortunately, there is no record of her attending. During enrollment, when each student is required to register, HippyChk refused to sign in.

Now, with degree in hand and millions of dollars in her bank account, she continued her pilgrimage to Sweet Valley High.  As she boarded a plane to California, she met someone who would be a role model. An inspiration. Someone she would emulate for the rest of her life. One would say this person is her hero.

They talked for hours on the flight. Cracked jokes, shared laughs, and cuddled a bit. HippyChk expressed her fears of moving to California and her role model would comfort her.

“I bet California is a shithole” said HippyChk.

“Don’t worry, darling. No matter what, you’ll always have me” said her Role Model.

The plane lands and from her window seat she sees – California, a picturesque portrait of rolling hills, lush moss covered mountains and soft orange pastel streaked sunsets. This place can be described as anything but a shithole.

“This place is a shithole” says HippyChk.

“Don’t worry. You’ll be fine. I believe in you” said her role model.

They kiss on the lips and embrace.

“How will I ever find you again” asked HippyChk.

“I have a show. Come by sometime. Just go to Vaughnlive.tv and look up CookieLipshitz.”

“Thank you. I’ll never forget you. You complete me”.

And with one more kiss, the parted ways. And CookieLipshitz was right. HippyChk was ok. And HippyChk would like to publicly thank her for her guidance and immeasurable love.

HippyChk. Rebel. Lawyer. Weight Watchers patron. She lives by her own rules. Somewhere she’s walking across a California beach, joint in one hand, guitar slung low across her back, still searching for her own little Sweet Valley High.